Wow: There's Grace for that

One saturday morning I was laying there sleeping in. I don't get too many opportunities to do that, so I was just enjoying it. I heard Sarah get out of bed, and I didn't think anything about it. A few minutes later I heard Sarah yell for me. 

Sadly, this isn't that rare of an occurrence. Sometime I will write on here some stories about Sarah scaring the daylights out of me when we lived out in the country. 

Okay, so Sarah yells for me and I slowly get out of bed and meander into the bathroom. There sits Sarah balling like a baby. I am like, "what in the world is wrong with this woman, waking me up from my dreams of candy and of a Rangers World Series..." 

Then I look on the ground and there sits a pregnancy test...positive...Time instantly slows down. All of the sudden I am having an out of body experience. I am physically there still, but my mind seems to be floating somewhere in the clouds. I am having a million different thoughts...Sarahs pregnant...wow...How am I going to afford this...Will my kid look like me...Boy or Girl...wow...Whens this baby going to be born...Man I hope we have a cute kid...wow...What if my kid grows up to play for the Rangers...Am I going to be a good dad? 

All of these thoughts happen in around 1.37 seconds. Then I realize that Sarah is still sitting there, still crying, and I am still standing there looking like an idiot. I reach down, put my arms around her, and begin to cry. We talk for a little while, then I tell Sarah, why don't you go take another test, just to make sure. (Yes, I realize how dumb this sounds now) She does, and its still positive. 

All throughout the rest of the day I am wrestling with that last question. Will I be a good dad? Anyone that knows Sarah knows that she was made to be a mom. She is the most patient, loving, kind, and comforting person that I know. Me on the other hand? Lets just say those adjectives are rarely used to describe me. For weeks internally I struggle with that. I know God told us the time was right to start having kids. I know that He is the author of all life, and if we weren't ready it wouldn't have happened. I know that He say's that he will never give us anything that we can't handle. 

Yet still internally I wrestled.

A few months later we find out that we are having a baby girl. 

Then all of the sudden one day the fear was gone. I didn't do anything, and I couldn't figure out what had happened. 

Finally it clicks, my excitement about becoming a daddy had beaten my fear into submission. My fear had been overtaken by a joy that I had never known, and I felt grace in a new way. I know there are going to be times that I do the wrong things, there's grace for that. I know there are going to be times I say the wrong things, or I say things I don't fully mean, there's grace for that. I know there is going to be a time where I don't say enough, there's grace for that. 

I am going to do everything I can to be the best dad possible. Yet, the reality is that I am human. I will make mistakes. I will do dumb things. All I can do is love my daughter as best I can. I am going to have tea with her, braid her hair, tell her she is beautiful, probably let her braid my thinning hair, tell her I love her, wear my shirts to bed, buy her clothes, encourage her, watch veggie tales with her, take her to school, one day give her away at her wedding, and do so many other things with her.  

Words can not express how much I love her. I can't wait to meet her, and you know what? I am going to be a great daddy to Berkley. She already is my baby girl. Whatever fears I had about my fatherly abilities have been washed away with the excitement of the journey that Sarah and I have embarked on. 

                                           Here's my Baby Mama and my Baby Girl